Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (Col. 3:23-24)

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What does it mean to “submit to your husband as to the Lord”? (Eph. 5:22)

I believe it is a model of what we see in Col. 3:23-24. We must respect and submit as if it is the Lord we are serving, not man. We must take our eyes off of ourselves and, at times, our husbands, and turn our eyes to Jesus. He is to be our focus, just like He is to be our strength.

Without Christ as our focus and strength, we can’t do it.

We end up bitter and full of excuses. We think that our husband's shortcomings give us the right to negate what scripture calls us to be, or we think his inadequacies are reasons to not show the proper respect we should. Keeping our eyes on our excuses causes us to miss the point.

Nowhere in scripture does it say, “be submissive to your husband, but only when he deserves it” or “if you are married to a ‘good’ man, let him rule over you” or “if he’s loving you like Christ loves the Church, then honor him like the Church honors Christ“. Our call as wives does not have any prerequisites. That is what the world says, not the Bible.

In fact, the first part of 1 Peter 3 is directed to women married to non-Believers. It calls for these wives to be submissive to their husbands. Then how much more so is this Truth for those married to Believers! When our husbands see the purity and reverence in our lives, “they may be won over“ (1 Peter 3:1).

Scripture is clear that the husband is our head (Eph. 5:23). He is to us, as Christ is to the Church. We are to follow his lead, be obedient to him, and cheerfully serve him.

Wives must embrace this Biblical model, even when we have our excuses not to. When we think that our excuses trump what scripture lays out for wives, we are “leaning on our own understanding…and…being wise in our own eyes” (Prov. 3:5&7).

Ultimately, the intentions behind our excuses are evil. Our excuses come from a spirit of pride and rebellion. Ask any contentious woman why she doesn’t submit to her husband and as she lists her reasons, you will probably hear her blaming him and listing phrases like, “I have a right to… I deserve…I am entitled to…” In other words, pride, pride, pride.

Instead of our husbands being “won over” by our purity and reverence, they are being pushed away by our complaints, nagging and guilt-rendering comments. This does not honor the Lord. He knows your husband is not perfect, and he has commands he wants him to follow as well. But just because he isn’t doing his part, does not give you the right to not do your part.

Despite our husbands' downfalls, we need to lay down our rights and hold our tongues! It is a gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth to the Lord (1 Peter 3:4). He doesn’t want to hear our excuses, He wants to see our unwavering obedience to Him by submitting to His Word.

We need to ask forgiveness for the rebellion in our hearts. We need to stop demanding and expecting. What we deserve is death. But the gracious Lord spared us that. So in return, we need to start serving and loving (no matter what our spouse is or isn’t doing) as unto the Lord.

Just look at Sarah. Abraham, her husband, moved their family with no clear direction where they were going…yet she followed. He then asked her to lie twice, saying that they were siblings. This caused Sarah to be taken from Abraham with the intentions of being given to another man…yet she obeyed.

This might sound foolish to a lot of us, but Peter, in his first letter, praises Sarah for her obedience and submission. He tells women that they will be called her daughters, if they will be like her, doing good and not having fear. Sarah called Abraham ’lord’, even when he didn’t deserve it. (1 Peter 3:5-6)

Sarah feared the Lord. She feared not obeying her earthly master, because she knew what her Heavenly master had asked of her-that her husband rule over her (Gen 3:16), that she submit to him (Eph. 5:22), that he be her head (Eph. 5:23), and that she be subject to him (1 Peter 3:1). In doing these things, she did so as unto the Lord.