Because you listened to your wife...

I think one of the saddest verses found in the Bible is Genesis 3:17...

"To Adam [God] said, "Because you listened to your wife..."

When Eve chose to listen the Serpent in the garden, she not only opened herself up to deceit, she learned what a powerful tool words can be. She immediately took what she learned from the serpent, and then used her new found skill of persuasion on Adam.

And we all know what happened next, "She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." (Gen 3:6) Adams first mistake was not when he took the apple, it was when he listened to his wife.

I wonder how many times we have cursed our husbands by forcing our ideas, opinions and wishes on them?

Be honest. We've all done it. We think we have a better idea or a better way. We use our not-so-innocent questions to persuade them into thinking like us. We say things like, "but have you thought about...why would you do that when we could..." And all along, we know what we are doing...getting them to arrive at (what we have already decided) the "best" decision is.

Sometimes it can seem insignificant, "Why did you park here?" "How come you chose the slowest lane?" "Do you really need that?"

And while these questions seem to be no big deal, they condition our husbands into thinking we have a better way. So to win our approval, they usually adapt accordingly.

You might be thinking, "but sometimes I DO have a better way. I know my way will save us a lot of...time, energy, money..."

But women, there is a reason that we are under the authority of our husbands and they rule over us (Gen 3:16). There is a reason we are called the "weaker vessel" (1 Peter 3:7).

The Bible tells us that Eve was deceived, not Adam (1 Tim 2:14). Our flesh might be telling us that we have a wiser way or a thriftier idea, but I think that the truth is, we are just deceived.

Adam's mistake was listening to Eve.

What Eve thought was a good decision, was actually the path that led to their death. She told Adam to eat the apple, because she was deceived into thinking it would cause them to be like God, knowing good and evil. She thought she knew a wiser way and she persuaded Adam to follow her.

Don't let your husband be cursed for listening to you. Respect his lordship over you. After all, he is your head and a head has a brain.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (Col. 3:23-24)

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What does it mean to “submit to your husband as to the Lord”? (Eph. 5:22)

I believe it is a model of what we see in Col. 3:23-24. We must respect and submit as if it is the Lord we are serving, not man. We must take our eyes off of ourselves and, at times, our husbands, and turn our eyes to Jesus. He is to be our focus, just like He is to be our strength.

Without Christ as our focus and strength, we can’t do it.

We end up bitter and full of excuses. We think that our husband's shortcomings give us the right to negate what scripture calls us to be, or we think his inadequacies are reasons to not show the proper respect we should. Keeping our eyes on our excuses causes us to miss the point.

Nowhere in scripture does it say, “be submissive to your husband, but only when he deserves it” or “if you are married to a ‘good’ man, let him rule over you” or “if he’s loving you like Christ loves the Church, then honor him like the Church honors Christ“. Our call as wives does not have any prerequisites. That is what the world says, not the Bible.

In fact, the first part of 1 Peter 3 is directed to women married to non-Believers. It calls for these wives to be submissive to their husbands. Then how much more so is this Truth for those married to Believers! When our husbands see the purity and reverence in our lives, “they may be won over“ (1 Peter 3:1).

Scripture is clear that the husband is our head (Eph. 5:23). He is to us, as Christ is to the Church. We are to follow his lead, be obedient to him, and cheerfully serve him.

Wives must embrace this Biblical model, even when we have our excuses not to. When we think that our excuses trump what scripture lays out for wives, we are “leaning on our own understanding…and…being wise in our own eyes” (Prov. 3:5&7).

Ultimately, the intentions behind our excuses are evil. Our excuses come from a spirit of pride and rebellion. Ask any contentious woman why she doesn’t submit to her husband and as she lists her reasons, you will probably hear her blaming him and listing phrases like, “I have a right to… I deserve…I am entitled to…” In other words, pride, pride, pride.

Instead of our husbands being “won over” by our purity and reverence, they are being pushed away by our complaints, nagging and guilt-rendering comments. This does not honor the Lord. He knows your husband is not perfect, and he has commands he wants him to follow as well. But just because he isn’t doing his part, does not give you the right to not do your part.

Despite our husbands' downfalls, we need to lay down our rights and hold our tongues! It is a gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth to the Lord (1 Peter 3:4). He doesn’t want to hear our excuses, He wants to see our unwavering obedience to Him by submitting to His Word.

We need to ask forgiveness for the rebellion in our hearts. We need to stop demanding and expecting. What we deserve is death. But the gracious Lord spared us that. So in return, we need to start serving and loving (no matter what our spouse is or isn’t doing) as unto the Lord.

Just look at Sarah. Abraham, her husband, moved their family with no clear direction where they were going…yet she followed. He then asked her to lie twice, saying that they were siblings. This caused Sarah to be taken from Abraham with the intentions of being given to another man…yet she obeyed.

This might sound foolish to a lot of us, but Peter, in his first letter, praises Sarah for her obedience and submission. He tells women that they will be called her daughters, if they will be like her, doing good and not having fear. Sarah called Abraham ’lord’, even when he didn’t deserve it. (1 Peter 3:5-6)

Sarah feared the Lord. She feared not obeying her earthly master, because she knew what her Heavenly master had asked of her-that her husband rule over her (Gen 3:16), that she submit to him (Eph. 5:22), that he be her head (Eph. 5:23), and that she be subject to him (1 Peter 3:1). In doing these things, she did so as unto the Lord.

Newfound Convictions

About a year ago I began to ask God to show me more about what it means to be a Godly wife and mom. He opened my eyes to many Truths in scripture that I had never really let sink in. Most of my newfound convictions are found in Genesis 1-3.

I had read Genesis 1-3 so many times that I was not looking at it with fresh eyes. But when I did, I was blown away by what I found.

The first thing I noticed was that Adam was put to work in the garden before Eve was created. I believe it was, and still is, Adams responsibility to "work it and keep it"(Gen.2:15).

It is later that God created Eve. What I see here is that it was not God’s intention for Eve to work the garden…unless that is the help that Adam was needing from Eve. After the fall, Eve is “cursed” (though I have found immense blessing in it) with childbearing and submission to Adam. It is Adam’s curse to earn bread by the sweat of his face (Gen. 3:16-19).

Bluntly, Eve was not created to pursue a career. Her identity was not to be in her work. It was to be in her childbearing and in her desire for her husband.

Eve was created to make sure Adam was not alone and to help him. Her purpose was to do what Adam deemed as helpful and to not do what made him feel alone.

So first, I began to ask myself what it meant for Ryan to not be alone. It means, to me, being his cheerleader in all things. Not abandoning him, even if everyone else does. Not disagreeing with him, but supporting him. It means not forsaking time with him for meaningless activities. It means being always available. And on and on…

Next, as far as what is means to be a helper to him…that could go on forever! (I recommend the book, “Created to Be His Help Meet” to any woman who is or wants to be a wife). But I would summarize it by saying that being Ryan’s helper means living for his needs, not mine. I am his helper, he is not mine. I was placed in his life by God to, hopefully, enhance his life. My presence in his life should further him to become the man God has called him to be. I should take all measures to not lay any more burdens on him than he already has. I should manage the house, under his authority, in such a way that frees him up to be a more effective minister and father. I should be so wise and prudent with our money that he is blessed financially by the ways I save and the measures I take to deny myself of unnecessary luxuries. I strive to make our home his kingdom where no matter what happens in his day, he knows he will come home to laughter, peace, and adoration.

Needless-to-say, I believe that over the years women have lost sight of the amazing challenge of being a help mate to our spouses. Women today are still listening to the serpent in the garden say, “God is lying. Walk this road and your eyes will be opened…”
We all hear the serpents voice…it’s in the TV shows we allow ourselves to watch, the music we listen to, the conversations we have with our girlfriends, the places we let our minds daydream to…

And just remember, Eve’s first mistake was making the decision to speak to the serpent. In doing this, she began a conversation with him and she opened herself to his influence. It was then that she was deceived, that developed into ungodly desire, and that ultimately led to discontentment and despair.

It’s just like what we see happen in James 1:13-15,
“When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

And we all know the death that Eve experienced. We women are in danger of a kind of death that few people speak of, if we do not stop having these conversations with Satan by watching foolish shows, listening to ungodly music, carrying on with unchaste conversations and not taking our thoughts captive.

I have changed many things in my life. My goal daily is to live to honor God by making sure Ryan is not "alone" and to be his helper. And in turn, I have not lost myself, like the world told me I would. I have found myself. I am now hidden in Christ. I am being a servant, to my Heavenly Master by serving the earthly master He has placed over me.

And it is glorious!!!